there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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