never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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