***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
