he told me I talked like a deaf person
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
