Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
