i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
