12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
