i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
