And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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