so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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