mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i think i have two assholes
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
