I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
