Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
