YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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