how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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