I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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