I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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