I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
