Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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