physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
