She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
