THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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