remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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