Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
