I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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