I need to stop coming to work sober
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
