God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize