I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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