i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
