i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
