Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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