i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
