So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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