I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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