Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
