Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize