dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize