I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize