Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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