Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
