Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
