In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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