Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
