if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
