He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
