please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
We are two peas in an std pod
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize