Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
