So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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