You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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