DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
