I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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