if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
