We're facebook friends in real life
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
