That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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