Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
