I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
