I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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