K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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