...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
My pussy is not your playground.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
