there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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