im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
