Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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