Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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