I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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