Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
PANTIES FOUND
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