He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
