Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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